Forget Einsten's theory of relativity
Forget Newton's law of gravity
Forget Tessler's laws of telegeodynamics
Forget the Heisenberg principle
Forget Schrodigner's cat.
Forget Pavlov's dog

Murphy's law wins and supersedes all others every time!

When all else fails, have a cup of tea. 
It at least gives you time to think up who to blame for the disaster you have just created. 

I need a donation of someone's time to add to my own. Will happily give money, assistance, care, phone calls, cleaning, etc....  I just need a few more hours (and energy to go with it) in the day. 

Other things I would like more of:
- childhood 
- common sense
- confidence
- calm

Why do birthdays seem to be spent the way everyone else thinks you should celebrate? I wonder if anyone over the age of 25 actually gets to do something they wanted to on their birthday.
In the end, who really cares. It's good to be alive!

For a car that seats 3 people comfortably in the back seat, I do not understand why it is too small for 2 Chihuahuas. 

When someone wants to put the idiot box on, I always want to know which idiot the box goes on. 

E-mail. Just one more way to spend time being frustrated either by:
- sending
- not receiving
- error messages
- spam

At least with letters, it takes up to 6 weeks to receive spam or get frustrated. It was a more patient time before e-mail. 

You know you have a really bad migraine when you burst into tears because the person next to you breaks wind!

According to the latest news report, Sydney ladies own an average of 25 pairs of shoes.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/fashion-beauty/australian-women-head-over-heels-for-shoes-according-to-target-survey/story-fneszwgd-1226475163379


Boy am I way behind!!!  
Honey, where's your wallet? I need to go shopping to keep up with every other lady!
Won't the shop owner's be pleased to have more sales!

Sisyphus was doomed to push a boulder uphill, only to have it roll back down in order that he push it back up again.

Why does this sound like an accurate description of housework?

To mirrors, mirrors everywhere. Why do you never show me something useful, such as how I would like to look.

Currently staying in a motel in New Zealand where the shower floor is polished stainless steel. All I can say is thank goodness for bad eye sight!

The cat when she is misbehaving in this household gets called a cow. The dogs get called pigs. 

I am wondering if we need to set up an animal recognition system. 

You never call a cow a cat or a pig a dog!

Personally I like bovines and porcines and think they get a receive a negative reputation. 

If I was everything that people criticized me for, I should have no family, no friends, no home, no worth.

Isn't it great I have so many people around me to tell me where I go wrong.

I look forward to having a mid-life crisis. I only hope it happens when I am 80. 

It's a sad day when you have to appear on television to prove you are not dead.....and people still don't believe you.

Fossil Fuels: Is that when you give Grandad baked beans?

I have just informed the battery in the car has been changed.
3 questions:
-  How long has it needed changing for?
- How bad was the smell?
- What sort of nappy was used?

You know you have a really bad day at work when your assistant swears!

There is a language frequently spoken generally by one person and understood by all close family members. The words are unintelligible, used at home and reluctantly used at work, generally never at social occasions except for the brave of heart party animal type. 

The language is that of the hay-fever sufferer.

It consists of the sufferer attempting to speak and at the same time sneezing and sniffling, whilst covering their mouth with a tissue / handkerchief / bed-sheet / long haired dog or cat in an emergency.

I think this language deserves recognition, the speaker sympathy and the decipherers maximum shielding and protection from the sufferer.

Today I have seen a Postie without fear.

To two small dogs who are  going "Woof, growl, snarl, snap, yip, woof", 

I hear "Aren't you cute?" from the Postie.

Perhaps you can guess my thoughts.

My favourite emergency procedure.

When in danger, when in doubt,

Run in circles and shout "Look out! Look out!"

It's so nice to be welcomed and thanked by an e-mail spamming drug seller!

Welcome !

Top Sale:

- Levtira - 

- Cilais - 

- Vigara - 

- Famyli Pakc - 

- Femela Vigara - 

- Professional Pack - 


Thank you, !

Prices removed to protect any addicted to the drugs.

Link removed because the e-mail was not wanted in the first place.

Please pardon my typographical errors. 

I have dyslexic fingers.

The person who comes up with the formula for the liquid that maintains the stability of the active ingredient in all cat tablets will make a fortune. 

More importantly they will be revered by all cat owners throughout the world who have ever tried to give a cat a tablet.

For all of the Coptic Christians in Egypt. You have my prayers, my thoughts and my love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYzOTD2k40w&feature=player_embedded#!

Unusual Tip: Never hand a brush to someone holding a  glass of liquid. 

Guess what ends up tipped over the head.

Why do I see old age and senility galloping up on us?

Hear a lie many, many times and you start to believe it. 

Thank you Australian popularist media.

It is a long, difficult road back to how to learn to discern the truth and who is actually speaking truth, common sense and freedom.

Thank you to those who stand in the cross roads and are not afraid to speak despite the vitriolic, acerbic and disgusting attacks of the popular, politically-correct self-sanctimonious media commentators.

Freedom of speech...eroding rapidly. 

Freedom of thought...appearing to shortly follow.

Good-bye to freedom... I pray people wake up.

Three Australian soldiers killed in an insider attack by a member of the Afghan National Army. The media is using the term to describe the attacker as a "rogue".

The attacker is murderous traitor to his own country.

My thoughts and sympathies go out to the families of the fallen for their loss. 

Our army is doing a fantastic job in extreme circumstances. Thank you